Being your own mentor

How often have you heard this word – especially if you are in the IT field – or I guess in pretty much any corporate environment these days – MENTORING? Everything from processes to new initiatives to people to entire divisions have to be MENTORED these days. New recruits have to have a MENTOR. Middle management has to be MENTORED by senior management. Heck even your 3 year old has to be mentored into his or her new school or playgroup. Have you ever thought about this process and what it does? Here are a few of my “insights”

Mentoring is indoctrination

In most companies that I have worked with, mentoring has been seen to be more of a hand-holding to get the new recruit or manager to “fall in line”. Rare are the cases where I have actually seen or heard of a mentor actually “mentoring” a “mentoree” and mostly it is relegated to getting them acquainted with the processes and the “thin red lines” of the organization. While this may be necessary but is this really the need or an end to the mentoring process? While knowing the rules is necessary for any person part of a culture, growth of the culture happens in knowing that rules are not followed for the sake of following them.  

Mentoring is detrimental to innovation

In many cases, mentors – with their zeal for being proven as “ideal” mentors have actually killed the spirit of exploration, curiosity or innovation. We yearn for the “out of the box” thinkers while all along we have been “boxing people in” with our mentoring ideals. How many of us have heard – during the course of our careers – our best ideas shot down due to a kind word or “guidance” from our mentors?

Mentoring may not be the right way forward

In certain positions – irrespective of the level or hierarchy – depending on the needs of the organization, there may be a need for free-thinkers and rebels – who, given the chance, could take the organization to heights never seen. These are the kind of free radical electrons that could spin the organization on its head and take it to dizzying heights – IF they don’t get mentored out of that plane altogether.

So what then? Are all mentors evil? Doesn’t the tried and tested tool of organizational herding fall flat? Is there no hope? NAY!

The answer – like they say in the Bhagawath Geetha – lies inwards!

Organizations and even people should embrace the rules laid down by their mentors but more enlightened and truly growth oriented organizations should indoctrinate the principle of INTERNAL mentoring. Truly speaking, it is akin to the axiom that one who knows himself knows the world. This does not mean that I am disrespecting some truly great teachers and mentors out there. But if something is to be learnt from these gurus, it is the fact that they fueled our OWN need for growth and maturity rather than fill our minds with rules and regulations for a better life. If you don’t believe me, try it – think of the best loved teacher in your life and deep down inside you will know that he or she was loved because they taught you the art of challenging the self – and WINNING! When the fire burning bright is WITHIN ourselves, what need is there for external illumination!

When you are your own mentor:

·         You are your best judge and hence will know your strengths best to use them in the path forward.

·         Noone understands your values and goals better than you and hence you are the best person to chart your path and the pace.

·         You are not reliant on external words of encouragement or bogged down by others rebukes.

·         Being SELF-DRIVEN is sure-shot path to success as is evident from the umpteen examples of prosperous entrepreneurs around you.

·         Competing with YOURSELF with YOURSELF as the coach leads to a more positive and balanced approach to victory rather than comparing and contrasting and living up to someone else’s ideals

·         With YOU as the mentor, achieving milestones represent dual victories – of the mentor as well as the learner and would goad you forward even more

·         Eventually you will act as a mentor to others – not in word but in SPIRIT and will be a source of inspiration to your community.

I am not claiming this to be something that can be adopted or practiced right from the get-go. Obviously this involves a lot of introspection and also a GOOD understanding of the self. With a self-mentoring approach as some might argue, it is easy to set too low a target for oneself and bask in the false glory. But I feel, if done right, this could have a life-altering effect – not just for oneself but for the entire community as a whole. I am trying to do this in my life and I can slowly see some positive signs emerging. While these may be premature, the goodness of spirit that this is causing me to feel is goading me forward.

So do you think you could be self-mentored? Do you think this is valuable as an idea worth pursuing? Is this just too esoteric? Have you tried this in your life? Let me know your thoughts through your comments. 

Why are we what we are

Quite a simple question, or the most complex one – depending on how you think about it and analyze it – right?

I am not even sure where this question stemmed from but once it took seed it’s been growing roots that have shaken my very foundations in many areas. I am not talking about any great introspection or soul-searching. This is just a simple thought or a question that you just let germinate in you and it starts manifesting itself in facets that you never would have imagined.

Not that I have read many philosophical theories but it just seems logical that what we are is a function of certain inputs that we have received over the years. This could be sociological, economic, upbringing, schooling, culture, geography, religion etc. If one delves into religious culture one could say that this is also a function of past births and “karma” as it were. Whatever the case, to me, it is a function of a lot of things that ultimately make us what we are.

I originally thought on this topic when I noticed a behavior pattern in me with alarming regularity. The first thought was to struggle and break the pattern but on deeper introspection, I started trying to understand my psyche behind my actions. And when I thought deeper (luckily) I was able to get to the root of my behavior which was a very great AHA! moment in my adult life. You could try this as well in something very trivial – needn’t necessarily be a pattern that needs to change – it could even be something that you love doing. I don’t claim to have derived anything path-breaking but chances are when you actually reach the root of the behavior, there will be a big grin on your lips – for having realized and for having deciphered yourself. Trust me – this is a big high to have and will have you addicted in no time. The cool part is when you do this exercise and understand yourself, change becomes fluid. The very act of realization liberates you from your so-called chains and becomes a catalyst as well.

So in a sense why we are what we are is a function of how we were what we were. Now if this premise be true, what logically follows is that what we will be is a direct function of what we are today and now. Not to talk in riddles but if the “now” can be changed easily by the realizations of the “then” and this can positively influence the “going forward”, is it not an investment well worth its price?

Now while this might seem very esoteric and “guru”ish it really boils down to very simple steps – essentially what worked for me:

1)      Identify the pattern that you are trying to break or even the pattern that you are trying to establish without much success

2)      Allow for some alone time without distractions and deviations every day – preferably more time during weekends and consciously meditate on the patterns

3)      Maintain a journal or diary of the thoughts that flow into your mind during the time that you experience the patterns – trust me this works WONDERS!

4)      Observe yourself as if you are away from yourself without judgment and pre-conceptions

Do this and what it will bring to you is a level of consciousness and being towards yourself that will allow for several revelations – believe me some of them will potentially be mind-blowing! Ultimately the man that comprehends himself is truly at peace with himself and the world.

When you break the shackles of your past is when the reins of your future lie firmly in your hands.

An Attempt at Habits

We all want to build habits right? Sometimes these could be good habits like waking up early or brushing twice or even exercising daily. For some of us it could also be “Un”building habits like smoking or staying up late. But somehow, somewhere, we fail at it. God knows all those New Year resolution lists are laughing at us 3 months into the New Year (or is it one month).

I too am a victim of this phenomenon and feel the helplessness in my inability to get myself up and going and form a habit that I can be proud of – or even something that’s taking me a step in the right direction.

What I understood is (and this is not me but several reams of research – internet of course!), man is a creature of repetition. It’s quite insulting, come to think of it, but unfortunately true. We thrive on routine. Mundane fills our life. Creatures of the loop. We get set in some routines – be it sipping coffee while reading the paper, or checking mails as soon as we get up – without realizing we are actually forming HABITS!

So I figured, this routine is something that could be used in our favour to form these oh-so-elusive habits. We just need to make them part of our routine (yeah so simple right!).

Given the technology overload that we face these days, it wouldn’t help to ACTUALLY use it to help in this most honourable endeavour!

So what I did is to sit down and think (yeah – THAT) about what all habits I need to “inculcate” (love that word! Reminds me of domesticated). Given my fear of commitment, I try to keep this limited to 1 or 2 at max but I’m sure the general populace can do much better! I also tried to think of appropriate times in the day when I can squeeze these in (between video games and mindless surfing). This part is important – don’t make it too long that you KNOW you are trying to form a habit – got to trick the mind there!

For my technology angle, what I then did is to setup reminders on my phone (yes it does something other than whatsapp and FB!) – really loud embarrassing ones – to goad me into repetition. Once this is done, you are set – NOT!

The next step is where our “love of the loop” comes in. Two words for you – “Show up”. Irrespective of the situation, since this is something YOU signed up for out of your OWN free will – you just need to be clinically ruthless about it and actually do whatever you are supposed to be doing at that particular time. No excuses!! JUST. SHOW. UP.

This can be very tough for the first week or so but you know what they say – man is a creature of habit!! In about 2 weeks you should be sufficiently ensconced in the “routine” that you don’t realize you just formed a HABIT!! CONGRATULATIONS!! You can buy me a coffee when we meet next!

This is just my theory on the subject and I welcome any opinions that you can throw at me J